'No amount of money would make me become a nanny': Mom demands sister move states to take care of her infant son for less than living wage, complains when she refuses

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 29, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

One of the many things that prospective parents have to take into consideration before they have kids is how they are going to arrange childcare when they need it. The reality is that almost no moms or dads spend 100% of their time with their children, especially if they have to go to work. As a result, it helps to have a concrete plan of action for when the time comes, and a backup just in case.

For many parents, the first option they turn to when they need somebody to babysit is a trusted family member. The issue with this is that this relative has to be OK with the task that is expected of them, which, usually, they don't get financially compensated for. Problems arise when a parent takes for granted that a parent, sibling, or cousin will be happy to drop everything and care for their kid at any time. This isn't normally the case.

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    young child sitting on mother's lap
    via Natali Hordiiuk

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When her sister decided that she would be a great candidate for a live-in nanny in the remote area where she lived, one woman did not waste her time setting her straight. The new mom was hoping to get full-time childcare for her son, but didn't want to pay the wage associated with it.

    Suggesting to her childfree sibling that she move states to help her out, she was met with a firm no. While she wasn't willing to accept the answer at first, she eventually hired the nanny that she actually wanted.

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    My sister thought she could pay me below a livable wage to move away from my life and take care of her child

    Years ago, after my sister had her first child, she had a hard time with childcare. She lives in the middle of no where an hour outside of her nearest big city.
    via FreeToFeelGood
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    She wanted to hire a nanny to watch her child for 40 hours a week, but not pay them a livable wage. She was complaining to me. I told her I understood her frustration with childcare being expensive, but also was trying really hard to not validate her belief that someone should work full time in poverty. It really wasn't worth fighting over.
    via FreeToFeelGood
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    young child opening his mouth while sitting on mother's lap
    via Natali Hordiiuk

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Until she said "I could move you here (from another state) for less than that to take care of him" I immediately responded by laughing at her and saying "No, you couldn't" and refusing to agree on that point while she sputtered an attempt at a rebuttal.
    via FreeToFeelGood
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    completely deflated her until she just changed the subject. It was never brought up again. She did eventually find someone. I am childfree by choice. There is no amount of money that would make me become a nanny for her.
    via FreeToFeelGood
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    a woman standing in a kitchen, looking at a mobile phone
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    People applauded the childfree woman's attitude and shared their own tales of refusing to be a free babysitter.

    GoddessNya The idea that someone who will exclusively watch a child should not be paid enough to live is crazy to me. They will spend 10-12 hours a day watching your baby then go work a second job to afford to live? Is that what she really expects?
    via GoddessNya
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    HUNGWHITEBO125 I truly cannot fathom asking ANYONE (let alone someone i'm...you know, supposed to love) to uproot their lives to watch my child for basically no money...
    via HUNGWHITEBOI25
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    Ok Stable7501 I'm a teacher. My sister wanted me to move, with my husband and son, to live near her. She lives in an area where housing costs double what we pay. My husband and I would have each taken a 10k pay cut, and spent 45-60 minutes in traffic instead of 15 to arrive at work.
    via Ok_Stable7501
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    Also, instead of a nice home with a pool, yard, several bedrooms and an office, we would have only been able to afford an apartment or townhome with no yard, spare bedroom, or office. Two bedrooms and that's it. All this so we could watch her kids for free, after school and on weekends. Her kids, by the way, are demonic. One is in third grade and needs pull ups at night, and they are biters. They don't shower, pee outside the toilet, and have one volume... wailing banshee.
    via Ok_Stable7501
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    I didn't speak to my sister for several months after that request. And my initial response was, you've got to be kidding, right? Which she didn't appreciate. She made my parents the same offer. She's furious because they're looking for homes... near me and not her. Edit: to add my sister and her husband make mid six figures and can easily afford childcare but expected my family to give up our quality of life so she could save a few bucks.
    via Ok_Stable7501
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    Eliza JaneVegas Sure, just drop your life, your friends, your job, move to the middle of no where to be your sister's servant - works for her.
    via ElizaJaneVegas
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    TouchMyGwen I don't understand people who have a kid and don't think through the major details e.g How I'm going to pay for this kid. Who's going to look after this kid while I'm out earning to pay for it
    via TouchMyGwen
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    chtmarc lol my younger sister tried something similar. When she said "or you could just move in and take care of them" (two kid boy and girl 4 years apart) I just laughed and said you couldn't afford my daily rate.
    via chtmarc
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    originalbrainybanana As a child free person myself, if I wanted to care for a child all day long for no financial benefits, I would just make my own...?!
    via originalbrainybanana
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    VFTM Yours offered money? Mine said I should help support her.
    via VFTM
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    drfury31 I'm CF but that just means I don't want my own. There is a number out there that I would accept to be a live-in nanny. The number would be ridiculous but it exists.
    via drfury31
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    CurtisLeow This is why a lot of people live near their parents. Retired grandparents are often more than happy to take care of their grandchildren.
    via CurtisLeow
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    Fem-Picasso Her kid. Her problem. You did good to stand your ground.
    via Fem-Picasso
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    thisisdumb257 My brother was mad when I wouldn't agree to watch his newborn for him while he and his wife were at work. He didn't offer me any money. I worked from home, so he didn't think it was a big deal for help him out.
    via thisisdumb257
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    sickosenjumode The fact that she thinks 24/7 care for her kid is worth less than what a McDonald's worker gets is certainly one opinion of all time.
    via sickosenjumode
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    IndividualWonder A nanny is a luxury service. OP's sister probably underpaid any nanny she had by a ton.
    via IndividualWonder

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family entitled people baby babysitter move siblings nanny babysitting sister reddit thread Reddit nephew
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